Strategies, Tactics, and Support to Manage Gaslighting
Understanding narcissism is key to handling a narcissistic spouse during a divorce. The Mayo Clinic defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as a mental health condition marked by an exaggerated sense of self-importance, an insatiable need for attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a marked absence of empathy towards others. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder may crave attention and admiration and have difficulty empathizing with others.
Common Narcissistic Behaviour
The following is a non-exhaustive list of common traits that many narcissists portray:
- Lying and exaggerating one’s own achievements and talents
- Engaging in performative social behaviour, such as oversharing personal information to elicit secrets from others
- Becoming annoyed at any perceived criticism
- Demanding unwarranted sympathy, pity, or charity
- Monopolizing conversations
- Lack of empathy
- Sense of entitlement
- Behaving arrogantly and pretentiously
- Control issues
- Discarding friends or relatives when they no longer provide usefulness to the individual
- Coercive behaviour
- Projection of blame
Divorce with a Narcissistic Spouse
Most divorces are challenging; adding the extra burden of one party being a narcissist or displaying narcissistic behaviour can generate added costs, time, and emotional stress. The process is very unpleasant, time-consuming, emotionally draining, and costly. Narcissists have trouble understanding how others may feel and tend to act on emotions such as anger. This pattern of behaviour tends to lead to friction between the parties.
Common Narcissistic Tactics During Divorce
The following are some narcissistic behavioural traits that are observed during divorce. Spotting and understanding these behaviours will help in combating narcissistic actions:
- Gaslighting: Narcissists may attempt to gaslight their spouse by making them question their actions. Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic where the abuser makes statements that cause the other spouse to question their reality.
- Financial Abuse: By controlling the family finances, narcissists can manipulate their spouse. Making a spouse's life financially difficult through the divorce process can give one spouse the upper hand.
- Alienating Children: It is common for narcissists to use children as pawns during litigation. Withholding parenting time and making unilateral decisions regarding the children can make the other spouse feel at a loss.
- False Accusations: During a divorce, a narcissist may make false accusations against their partner.
- Delaying Tactics: Narcissists may use various tactics to delay divorce proceedings, such as refusing to cooperate.
Tips on How to Deal with a Narcissist During Divorce
- Document Everything: Gather as much detail as possible and document evidence to strengthen your side of the claims.
- Stay Strong: Michelle Obama once said, "When they go low, we go high." This quote perfectly describes how to respond when your spouse engages in rude or hurtful behaviour. Practice restraint by being the bigger person.
- Support Systems: Friends and family are a good source of comfort during difficult times such as divorce. Remember not to isolate yourself and communicate with loved ones.
Seeking Legal Support
At INB Family Law, we understand how terrifying the idea of a contentious and lengthy divorce can be. You do not have to go through it alone. Whether in or out of court, having a good lawyer on your side can make a massive difference. A skilled lawyer can help you feel more confident and provide you with the necessary legal support to protect yourself and your children.
If you are going through a divorce and would like to explore your options, take the first step and book a consultation with us.
